Megan Diefenbach, M.Ed., high school counselor, Sacramento CA, and former college admissions counselor
“Is it like this for everybody?” Going through the college admissions process can be exciting, frustrating, and confusing. And sometimes it seems as if parents, students, and counselors live on completely different planets when it comes to college admissions. Why are their perspectives so different? Do parents and students share the same frustrations? Are students better with technology? What advice do counselors have—and is it the same advice that students would give?
I asked a high school college counselor (Nikki), a parent (Kathy), and an 18-year old recent high school graduate (Kelly) to answer these questions. Read on to find out what they had in common—and what they didn’t. Their answers may surprise you.
Q: What is the most frustrating aspect of the college application process?
Kelly (student): There was one selective college application that was particularly hideous, in my opinion, but I think it had more to do with what was going on in my head. As I was filling out this horrible application, in the back of my mind I couldn’t help thinking, “I’m coming from a small high school, and I bet this school will only accept one applicant from my school.” It’s tough to know that, in a sense, I was competing against someone from my own high school. I just know that the most selective schools aren’t going to admit five great applicants from a high school with just over 100 seniors.
Kathy (parent): This whole experience was so foreign to my son, despite the fact that his high school really has the process down to a science. He had this overwhelming, “oh my gosh,” air about him, in terms of actually gathering all the pieces to the various applications and getting it all organized. Once we had it all together, then it just happened. We organized the deadlines, week by week, and my role was to kind of nudge things along. Thankfully, he only applied to four schools!
Nikki (counselor): By far, dealing with parents can be the most frustrating aspect of my job, and ironically that’s a really small part of what I do. A great number of parents simply lack knowledge about colleges. For instance, if I were to randomly ask a parent to identify ten colleges, they would undoubtedly rattle of the most selective public schools in this state, and the schools in the Ivy League. That can be so incredibly frustrating.
Q: If you could change one thing about your experience, what would it be and why?
Kelly: I would have done more research. I basically applied to schools that I already knew a lot about because of family experiences or because my counselor suggested them to me. I might have found some obscure, off-the-beaten-path schools that would have been a better match for me. But I’m very excited about the school I have chosen to attend!
Kathy: On a bigger level, I would ask that all colleges move to one “common application” idea. That would be so nice. Each individual application has so many details and quirks to it, so having one general application, with an addendum piece specific to the individual school would be fantastic. Specifically, I can’t think of one thing I would change… this is my third child, so this wasn’t completely new to me!
Nikki: At our school, we struggle with communication. We don’t have a public announcement system, so getting the word out about things is challenging during the school day. Additionally, we have a parent night for seniors, currently held in October, and I think that is too late in the senior year for that kind of event. I would like to see us move our timeline up to start things a bit earlier.
Q: What role did technology play in your college application process?
Kelly: I applied to three schools through the online Common Application, and I loved that! I applied to another school via a “Fast Track” online application. All of my testing was handled online, including registering for the exams and managing the scores. And, I did all of my financial aid paperwork online, so the FAFSA and the CSS/Financial Aid Profile. So, the Internet was fantastic for me! However, it was frustrating trying to help my parents use the Internet.
Kathy: It played a tremendous role! The Internet made it so much more interesting for my son because it allowed him to be really active in the process. He enjoyed looking at the college websites, and filling out the applications online. If we asked him to sit down with a pen and fill out those applications, he would have balked and procrastinated. Using the Internet made it fun for him.
Nikki: A HUGE role! I would guess that approximately 70% of our students will apply to college online this year. Additionally, I would guess that roughly 80-85% of our students will register for their testing online. And, we have a website here at the high school that I update weekly. This is our primary communication tool. My hope in the not too distant future is to see us communicate with our parents via email.
Q: What specific pressures did you deal with throughout this process?
Kelly: Where do I begin?? Everything, really! “Senior year, plus college applications??” It just never felt like there was enough time to get it all done. My greatest pressure was probably self-inflicted, but it really came down to getting everything together and just doing it… sending it all off. That and dealing with my parents and their Internet struggles.
Kathy: At the very last minute, my son felt like he needed to apply to one of the public schools here in our state, and it just wasn’t going to be feasible to get it together in, literally, a day! He was feeling that, “everyone else did it, so why didn’t I?” thing, and it passed. Unfortunately, his number-one-choice school was the last one to admit him, so the waiting was horrible. And, of course, there was that mother-son dynamic we had to deal with!
Nikki: Anxious students and even more anxious parents! And, of course, the myriad deadlines.
Q: What advice do you have for others involved in this process?
Kelly: The advice I give to parents is this: if money is not THE thing in determining where your kid will go to school… lay off. The actual application process is so strenuous and stressful, and not having to deal w/100 different scholarship applications and essays would be great.
The advice I would give to a college counselor… if you can identify where the bulk of your students are going to apply, hold workshops that address the needs of that kind of application. Being available to us when we need you… that’s all we can really ask for, right?
And students… I suggest this plan: take your SATs twice (once in late junior year, and again in early senior year), don’t take your SAT IIs if you don’t need to, and definitely take the ACT! I scored almost 100 points higher on my ACT than on my SAT I, with no prep course! But that’s just my two cents.
Kathy: My advice to everyone is that you need to be organized. The deadlines, the forms, and the “stuff”… it has to be organized. Whether you are the parent or the student… or the counselor!… if we don’t get all the pieces in our hands and then move the process along, it will never happen.
Nikki: For the student: I believe it is more important to know yourself and begin your process with what you like and what you are looking for in a college, rather than beginning with a list of schools that you read about in guide book.
For parents: Remember, this is your child’s future, and ultimately this is affecting them… so try to be supportive and open-minded as they weave through this process.
