For both students and parents, the selection of a college can sometimes cause a great deal of anxiety. In many ways, the college search is merely one activity—in a long line of activities—in which parents assist their children in making a complex decision. Parents rightly feel the need to play an active role in this process.
At the same time, the selection of a college is quite different from many other decisions students make. Students need to feel free to select the institution that ultimately feels like the best fit for them. And that fit—the degree to which each student feels he/she belongs at a particular institution—is sometimes very hard to discern. Ultimately, though, the assessment of fit rests with the student, no matter how active parents want to be in the process.
Near the end of recent admissions visit day at Luther College, a visiting student reminded me again about the importance of fit, and unknowingly suggested a metaphor for the role of parents and students in the admissions process. She told me that she was both excited—and a bit overwhelmed—at the thought of having to make a decision about which college to attend. She said that her impending decision became real as she was leaving another college at the end of her visit. As her father drove away, she glanced out the side view mirror of the family’s car. At first she saw the buildings of the college she had just visited pass in and out of view as she looked into the mirror. As she slouched down into her seat she also saw herself reflected in the mirror. And as she starred even harder, she began to focus not on the scenery passing by or her own image, but instead on the all too familiar words printed on the mirror: “Objects in the Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear.” She knew she would have to make her college decision soon!
A car and its side view mirror are, perhaps, appropriate images summarizing the role of both parents and students in the college search process. For parents, your role is to help steer your student toward realistic college options, to help your student appreciate the journey upon which you have both embarked, to assist your student in navigating the sometimes confusing college search process, and to let go a bit as your student begins to take a hold of the wheel. And for most of you, you end paying for much of the gas along the way!
For your students, their role is to study the images of each college appearing in the side view mirror. As the images pass in and out of view, their task is simply to discern whether or not they can picture themselves in the landscape. Their task is also to study their own image in the mirror—their aspirations, goals, values, talents, and abilities—to determine how they fit with each college. As a parent, you can help them as they reflect on their image.
The college search process does come and go rather quickly. Objects in the mirror are, indeed, sometimes closer than they appear. But, the good news is that millions of students and parents successfully navigate the college search each year and arrive at a clear image and a good college fit.
